Sunday, November 25, 2007

First Post

I've always wanted to be a mom. In elementary school, I was obsessed with dolls. There were Molly and Allison, and then the Cabbage Patch family of Benny Angus, Lottie Johanna, and Francisca Clara. In high school and college, some of my friends weren't even 100% sure that they wanted children. Not me... I was going to have kids and I wanted to do it while I was still in my mid/late-20s, if possible. Not that I didn't have a lot of other ambitions, too. I've always been very academically oriented and goal-oriented. I got accepted into medical school, finished that by age 26, and then started an Internal Medicine residency.

When it became clear that the mid/late-20s baby plan wasn't going to happen (I wasn't married, or even in a serious relationship), I started thinking that if I wasn't married, or at least in a very serious relationship by age 35, I would become a single parent by choice. I wasn't sure who my sperm donor would be (friend or banked), but the idea was pretty real to me. I searched some internet sites and read as much as I could about it. I told family and friends about the plan, just so that they wouldn't be shocked when the time came. However, I was still in my late 20s, so I didn't go much farther than that.

Meanwhile, the stresses of medical school and residency began to take a toll on my body. By the middle of residency (age 28), I was about 25 lbs above my ideal weight. At 5'5", I was up to 155 lbs and wearing a size 12. My BMI was 26, which falls into the lower end of the overweight category. And I was really beginning to suspect that my weight was affecting ability to find a good relationship.

I began reading a livejournal group based on Weight Watchers and the success stories really impressed me. On October 23, 2003, I started to seriously decrease the amount of food that I put into my body. I also started trying to run again. (I'm an ex-cross country and track runner, so I consider that "my sport.")

By December 2003, the first person (an ER attending) asked me if I had lost weight. "Yes, 7 lbs, THANKS!!" I completed my residency in June 2004, and started working as a per diem/urgent care physician for a year before starting my fellowship in hematology/oncology. By September 2004, I reached my goal weight of 125 lbs, which was a loss of 30 lbs! My appearance was drastically changed. Instead of size 12, I was wearing a 6. I then became kinda obsessed with it all and proceeded to lose even more weight. Quite honestly, I was reading a lot of unhealthy blogs on the internet, and while I never went to extremes myself, I found them kinda inspirational. Or, using the lingo of those blogs, "thinspirational." When I hit size 4 and 118-121 lbs, I was starting to notice worrisome signs like being cold all of the time, and having a resting pulse rate in the low 40s, and even a few times in the high 30s... Soon thereafter, I celebrated my 30th birthday.

Just about 5 weeks later, I met S...
I'll write more later... I'm getting to the infertility stuff, I swear!

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