Almost positive...

Oh no! I think I may have pulled the IUI trigger too early. This morning (6:30 AM), I dipped my OPK and saw a faint line, and then got out of the shower 10 minutes later to see that the OPK had developed to what I generally call "near-positive." In the past, this has signified that it will be positive in a few hours. So, I told S that we're on for tomorrow, and later called and scheduled S's collection and my IUI for tomorrow AM.

Well, I checked my OPK at 5PM, and it actually looks a bit fainter than this morning's OPK. Oh no! I have been fretting now. I think the possibilities are:

1) I had a false surge this AM, and I really won't ovulate for a few more days. (I hope not!!)
2) My urine this afternoon was more dilute, messing with the results. (It definitely was lighter than my AM urine, but wasn't super-clear or anything).
3) I did have a surge today, and my OPK would have been blaringly positive if I had checked it at, say, noon. (the problem with this theory is that my previous surges have lasted longer than this).
4) My actual surge was sometime last night, and I am catching the tail end of it. (I doubt it, because Sunday AM I had almost NO line on the OPK).

Well, with those possibilities in mind, and knowing that ovulation is supposed to occur 12-36 hrs after the positive OPK, I still feel that I have no choice but to proceed with the IUI as scheduled for tomorrow.

If I really wanted to, I'm sure that I could schedule a second IUI sometime on Wednesday. However, it's another $260.00. Which is a bargain compared to the $15,000 that we'll be otherwise paying in March, but which I don't want to spend if I can help it. ARGH! Why does my Blue Cross insurance SUCK so badly??

I just pray that my OPK tomorrow AM will be bright positive. If so, I'm going to just go ahead with the IUI tomorrow and then go with a couple of "natural" attempts thereafter. (fingers, toes, arms, and legs all crossed!) I'm going with the theory that ideally, the sperm should be in there waiting on the egg and that they can survive for a while. Hope so!!

I was also going to mention something that happened last Friday night. S and I went to dinner with a couple, G & H. G is in his mid/late 40s, and H is in her early/mid 40s (not sure of the exact ages). They have been married since early 2005, and neither has children. In early 2007, we told them that we were starting to TTC, and they basically told us that they were "seeing what happens" which made me feel like they were probably trying, but perhaps without charting and OPKing, etc. (OPKing -- a new verb??) I didn't get a good sense of whether they truly want a baby, or want a baby only if it happens easily and 'naturally.' Anyway, H said something like, "My doctor told me that everything is just fine and to relax." Well, I was kinda horrified to hear this (told to an early-40-something), as I felt that at least OPKs would be helpful. However, I do not know H very well, so I hesitated to give too much unsolicited advice. I told her that I was charting and left it at that, hoping that maybe she would explore more on her own.

Fast forward to last Friday night. S had told me beforehand that he was going to bring up our IF struggles with them, along with the fact that we might be going ahead with IVF. I was OK with that. However, once he started talking about it, I became fearful that G & H know way more about the subject than they are letting on. G said, "Do the doctor have those 'buy 3 for the price of 2' deals that I've heard about?" And, "what doctor are you using?", and "it's about $9000, right?"

Anyway, I don't think that any of those are typical questions for a late-40-something guy unless he has been there, done that (at least for a consult). Then, to my chagrin, S started telling them that "our RE told us that we have great odds due to Sarah's age..." etc etc. He was trying to make them not feel bad for us, I think, as well as kinda reassuring himself about it.

However, I kept trying to nudge S to signal for him to cool it down. I was thinking about poor H, and imagining that they might have had to go for an IVF consult, and been told that donor eggs were their only option. Oh, I hope not!! Poor H! What a horrible conversation, if that was the case. I hope for her sake that my imagination just ran away with me and that she knows nothing about REs or IVF. Ugh! I told S afterwards and he feels bad about it. But we can't quite apologize to them since they have not opened up to us about their own situation. The conversation would have been painful only if they are struggling, too. I just hate for anyone to be in this kind of IF pain. :(