15 DPIUI and BFN

Well, no big surprise here. BFN today.

My temperature was even higher (99.1) on Monday AM, but this was probably due to S and I getting into some unhappy discussions at bedtime, talking for most of the night, and then getting probably about 2 hours restless sleep before temp time (5:40 AM). We're fine now, though.

Part of the discussion actually centered on the fact that he felt like the fact that I needed to create a blog means that somehow our communication is not good enough in meeting my emotional needs. I tried to explain that it's not like that at all. He is meeting my needs as my husband and partner in this process, but this blogs fills the need that I have to communicate with other women who are in this unfortunate circumstance. I've told several real life friends about our IF struggles, and most of them feel pretty uncomfortable discussing it. They never really ask how it is going, since they presumably don't want to upset me or deal with my possible raw emotion. One has been great (and is the one who knows about this blog - hi KT!), but I do need to correspond with people in the same circumstance, too, ya know? Not to mention that I feel hope when I look through the blogrolls and see the many, many people who eventually got pregnant. Anyway, S is welcome to read this blog, too. (Hi honey!)

I wasn't surprised by today's results because I wasn't feeling any more breast symptoms, and my AM temp dropped yesterday (Tuesday) to 98.6 F. That would normally be a really high temp for me, but everything has shifted up by about 0.3F during this cycle. I blame the Clomid (2 eggs = 2 corpus luteums? lutea?) and the yucky vaginal progesterone. Well, at least I get to stop that stuff for now.

So, I cancelled this AM's beta-HCG, and asked the RE's office if I would be able to do another IUI cycle if I don't have a CD2/3 ultrasound. After all, S and I are leaving for Florida on Sunday (we're visiting his family for Christmas), so it may not be feasible. They said, basically: no ultrasound, no Clomid. I guess the point of a CD2 ultrasound is to verify that I don't have any cysts greater than 10 mm that Clomid might stimulate to grow. I am 15DPIUI today, and I believe that I am 14DPO by my chart. My LP is usually 14-16 days, and therefore my period usually starts on 15DPO to 17DPO. I really hope that it doesn't start on 17DPO this month because that would put me on track for CD2 on Sunday, which will NOT work. Ack.

I think that this second IUI will be our last, and that we'll move onto IVF with ICSI after that. Since we suspect that MFI (morphology) is our "main issue," continuing with IUI much longer seems like it might not work.

Truthfully, I'm scared of IVF. I'm not really scared of the injections, (although I probably will be when the time comes). Rather, I'm scared of the exorbitant costs (no IF coverage insurance policy, here) and the possibility of not making enough eggs, of not having any embryos grow, OHSS, and most of all, I'm afraid that if IVF with ICSI doesn't work, maybe nothing will. I know there are other options out there, but I'm not ready to really think about them just yet.